woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bring me that man meat
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
