it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
