So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
