dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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