yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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