Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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