The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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