Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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