The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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