Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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