i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
