Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize