I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize