I'm gonna have a badass scar
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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