You smell like stripper and shame
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
