he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
