So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
