I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
