i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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