Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
