you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm both gender and math confused
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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