You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
