Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I would ride that face into the sunset
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
