all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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