I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
