OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
