I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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