FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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