yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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