wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
