for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
