Your face is a jimmy john
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
