I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
