One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
