I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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