i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
