Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
