So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
