I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
