I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
