I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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