i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
