never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
