I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
