I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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