I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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