Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
