alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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