I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
