I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
