i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
