I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
