everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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