She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
