I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
