Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
