party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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