No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
