he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
