I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
