Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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