thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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