Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
