Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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