Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
