dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
did you just send me my own nude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
