Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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