I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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