His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
