hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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